


In The Sea Of Feelings (We Drowned)

by Alykyoosomuch



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, but it's a happy ending dw, but she really loves jiwoo, jinsol just got scared, okay sorry maybe lots of angst, this is a little angsty, we need more chuusoul contents!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:06:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25484404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alykyoosomuch/pseuds/Alykyoosomuch
Summary: Jinsol lost Jiwoo once.She's never letting that happen again.
Relationships: Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul/Kim Jiwoo | Chuu
Comments: 1
Kudos: 61





	1. Still Drowning

**Author's Note:**

> So I don't really ship chuusoul but I saw "Coffee" a chuusoul au by @chuusoulhyewon on twt while I was taking a break from the lipsoul fic that I was writing. The plot was interesting so I decided to read it and it was soooo good it's just so beautifully written so I FELL IN LOVE WITH CHUUSOUL WITHOUT ME KNOWING AUTHOR-NIM THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME A CHUUSOUL SHIPPER
> 
> Then I read 'Miss. Inkblot' a fic by grapelady author-nim it's seriously one of the best! AND THEN I GOT SO INSPIRED TO WRITE A FIC MYSELF. 
> 
> Also I listened to Nayeon's song recommendations plus 'ghost of you' by 5SOS while writing this so that's how it got this angsty vibe BUT THIS AIN'T ANGST GUYS (i think) 
> 
> Anyways, english is not my first language and I didn't proofread this so I would like to say sorry in advance for the mistakes and errors that I've made. 
> 
> To the five members of the chuusoul nation, this is all for you guys!!!!

It's Friday night—or is it already early Saturday morning? Jinsol doesn't really care anymore—and the small get-together that Haseul had taken an effort on planning, a party that's exclusive for them only, is still taking place despite it already being so late.

Looking around Haseul's large backyard, she saw her six _remaining_ friends enjoying themselves: Yerim and Yeojin are having a dance battle with Haseul and Hyunjin as the judge while Vivi and Sooyoung's exerting lots of efforts to grill another batch of meat for them.

She _used_ to have eleven friends, one of them being more than just that but less than that of a lover— _something in between._

But people tend to be stupid sometimes, unfortunately, for Jinsol, her _sometimes_ became more _frequent_ , and before she even knew it, she became a _mess_. 

So there she is, sitting on a bench a little far away from the rest.

_She doesn't feel like she belongs, anymore._

Jinsol knows that she's supposed to be having fun—that's what a party is about, after all.

_She's trying, she really is._

But how could she, when her heart's seething with sadness and guilt? 

( _"It's all my fault,"_ are the words that she tells herself whenever her heart begins to ache, followed by a painful string of _"I deserve this."_ )

Now, no matter how hard she tries, it just never seems to be enough to remind herself what it's supposed to mean to have fun; to be happy. 

What can she do if the meaning of that five-letter word and all the words associated with it had already taken an exit from her life?

("When will I see you smile again?" Haseul asked her once but the only reply that she got from the latter was "Sorry," painfully accompanied with a blank stare— _she can't even fake a smile now._ )

It's been two months since she started being like this: dull, blank, sullen, almost lifeless—a sight that causes the eyes of those around her to be filled with both worry and of course, _pity_. 

Wanting to pull their supposed to be bubbly friend away from the black void that she's dangerously crashing onto, Jinsol's been forced by them to leave her gloomy place which she's painted _blue_.

("What happened, Sol?" Sooyoung asked her earlier when she came to ~~pick her up~~ drag her out. "Everything about you used to be _sky blue_ —when did your shade become so dark? Why'd you change into _dark blue_?")

~~(She doesn't know how to answer that, so she didn't.)~~

(She didn't know the answer to that, so she kept mum.)

_"Sol."_

_"Jinsol."_

_"Jung Jinsol!"_

With the loud voice coming from Sooyoung, who's now standing in front of her, Jinsol was brought back to her senses. Looking up, she saw six pairs of eyes looking at her with the same mixture of worry and pity that she's used to see by now.

Even the embodiment of sunshine, Yerim, is looking at her with her lips pressed into a thin line, a frown if you look from a different angle.

(And Yerim _always_ smiles.)

"Sorry? What was that?" She asked, inwardly grimacing with how the words became second nature to her as it is what she always says when someone wakes her up from her stupor, which happens very often.

She tends to get lost inside her mind ~~sometimes~~ all the time— _she still doesn't know the way out._

"I said, your phone's been ringing. You should answer it." There was something different with the short-haired girl's tone during the last part, like a double meaning or some sort, but Jinsol decided to ignore it, like she usually does with everything else.

"Ah, okay." Was her soulless reply—ironic, if you may ask, as they used to call her _'Jinsoul'_ with how she walks with her soul bare, lighting up every place she steps upon, leaving a piece of herself there.

Maybe she's left more than she's supposed to—or maybe it wasn't just pieces that she's left, but her whole self, along with her soul—and now she's nothing but an empty shell.

Sadly, her life is no fairytale. This is no Hansel and Gretel where she can follow the pieces of herself that she's left behind to return to who she used to be before all this mess; there weren't any traces of herself left.

Haseul hands her phone to her, a comforting smile present on her worried features. "This is your chance, Soulie."

Though confused with what she meant, the latter gave her friend a nod; It's only when she saw the painfully familiar name flashing in the screen, did she realize the meanings behind her friends' words— _please, talk to her._

And so that's what she did.

_"Jiwoo?"_


	2. And She Was Drowning Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinsol thought that she was the only one drowning. 
> 
> Jiwoo was drowning too.

If you ask others about Jinsol and Jiwoo's relationship, they're all gonna say the same thing: _"I don't know."_

Why? Because even neither of the two knows what they actually are.

Sometimes they're inseparable and would either be holding hands or linking arms; sometimes they'll just flash each other one brief smile and then that's it.

They're just continuously going back and forth between the line of _'just friends'_ and _'lovers'_ — _always hesitating, never actually crossing._

Where'd it all started?

The both of them were part of the same circle of friends, making the two naturally close.

But their thing started when Jiwoo answered Jinsol's name when she was asked whom she finds the most attractive among her eleven friends during a stupid game of truth or dare when they had a small party at Sooyoung's.

Instead of making things awkward, Jinsol just teased her about it instead—endlessly, that is.

At first, the teasing was only done for fun, to annoy Jiwoo. 

("You're so fun to tease. You look really cute when you're annoyed." Jinsol used to tell her before.)

But something in their friendly relationship shifted when their friends started teasing them as well, telling them that they look good together.

Maybe they did consider their words—or maybe they both already knew even before their friends did, they just chose to act upon it when it was pointed out.

So then it began: the longing stares, the late night talks, the more frequent hangouts, the eye-reaching smiles, the cuddles, the holding hands, the affectionate hugs, the movie nights, the fun singing sessions, the dinners, and the sweet little kisses.

They do things that couples do— _except, they are no I love you's._

It was an unspoken rule set by Jinsol, and a rule that Jiwoo obeyed despite feeling her heart break. 

Jinsol was too scared with the idea of falling deep, so she covered her ears and kept her eyes closed; she didn't see Jiwoo drowning, struggling to save herself, desperately calling for help— _she couldn't save her._

When she's already in so deep, Jiwoo had only realized that Jinsol wasn't ready to commit herself, to be attached, to be in a serious relationship; Jiwoo couldn't do anything but just let herself fall deeper— _she chose to drown._

And they went on like that, hurting yet still loving—or if you can even call that love—their relationship having no label.

"What are guys?" Jungeun asked them when she's finally had enough of the stupid game that the two are playing. Jiwoo didn't know the answer herself, so she just looked at the girl beside her, also waiting for what she'll say, but no words left Jinsol's mouth— _she only looked down._

* * *

"We're here." Sooyoung informs as she stopped the car in front of Jinsol's house. _"She's waiting for you, go."_

_("Jiwoo, are you drunk?"_

_"What do you mean? Stop judging me."_

_"No, I—I'm not judging you, no, it's just that.. it's the only plausible explanation that I could think of.."_

_"Would I be talking to you right now if I were drunk?"_

_"You won't be talking to me at all if you weren't. You.. you forget about my whole existence when you're sober."_

_"..."_

_"Jiwoo? Hey, are you still there?"_

_"Don't tell Jungeun and Heejin. They'll get Hyejoo to beat your ass, again. Well, Yerim and Chae's gonna calm her down but yeah.."_

_"Yeah, uh, sure, I won't tell them anything. But why did you call me instead of Jungeun? I mean—"_

_"I'm outside your house right now. Can you come outside?"_

_"Jiwoo what—wait, are you really there?"_

_"Nevermind. This is ridiculous. God, I look so stupid right now. You know what forget about it—")_

Being reminded of the reason why she was there, the younger's body stiffens, her mouth going dry with the nervousness that suddenly kicked in her system. 

"Sooyoung, I'm scared... what if I break her heart _again_?"

The slightly taller girl's heart aches double hearing her same-aged friend sound this vulnerable and scared when all she's ever saw for the past two months was the blank and emotionless Jinsol, as if she's buried all her emotions away.

_This whole time, she's kept it all to herself._

She didn't show them any drop of tears; She didn't let them hear how sad and broken she was. 

_Only letting it all out when no one's looking was what she did._

The older feels bad that she had to suffer alone, with their other friends even turning their backs away from her.

(Sooyoung would've turned her back on her as well but she knew Jinsol like the back of her hand; she knew her reasons, her fears, so she chose to stay and to understand.)

"Hey, it's alright. Just tell her everything that you should have back then. You got this, Sol. Just listen to your heart." To ease the nervousness of her bestfriend, Sooyoung went to reach for her hand, giving it a squeeze that says, _"Everything's gonna be alright."_

Jinsol got the message, her nerves starting to calm down. "Thank you, Soo."

For the first time in months, the older saw something in the younger one's eyes; In her usually emotionless eyes, there's a speck of hope, and despite it being barely there, Sooyoung's just glad to spot it—they weren't blank anymore, _finally._

When Sooyoung left, Jinsol hurriedly walks towards her front door, only to stop midway when her eyes caught a sight of the girl who's made her feel so much at once.

(But all that she's made her feel in return was pain.)

There, in her doorsteps, sits a drunk Jiwoo who's too busy mumbling things under her breath to even notice her presence.

(She didn't leave. Unlike Jinsol, she stayed.)

And Jinsol forgets how to breathe right there and then. 

Weird, because don't you need oxygen to keep your heart beating? 

So why, why did Jinsol's heart felt alive more than ever, like it had finally remembered how to function after its two-month-long break— _it's Jiwoo who makes her breathe, who makes her feel alive._

_It had always been Jiwoo._

Her body's gone numb, she can't even feel anything anymore, but she could hear her heart, she could hear it beating, the sound getting louder with every step that she takes towards the younger.

(She listened to her heart.)

And before she even knew it, she was already in front of Jiwoo.

(Now, she doesn't just _hear_ her heart, she could _feel_ it too.)

But just like her, the younger seems to have thousands of thoughts running in her head to take in everything around her as yet again, she fails to notice Jinsol standing in front of her.

Jinsol's done running away, this time, she's gonna make her presence known; she bent down to match the girl's height, hand moving on its own to settle above the latter's knee, "Hey," and before she even knew it, a word had already left her mouth.

(After months of drowning in regrets, Jinsol's finally decided to save herself; she finally decided to do something.)

When Jiwoo looked up and their eyes met, Jinsol thought that she was looking in a mirror; Jiwoo's eyes were just like hers— _blank and empty._

"Jinsol."

Back then, Jinsol's heart would leap with happiness whenever the younger calls her name, but now her heart breaks instead; Jiwoo's voice used to be as sweet as honey, velvety, making you feel at bliss with how heavenly it sounds, but now it's laced with pain, filled with thorns that pricks Jinsol's heart and her whole being— _it hurts._

(It hurts more knowing that she's caused this.)

"You're here." The hint of surprise in her voice was clear to indicate that the younger wasn't really expecting her to be there.

(She was used with Jinsol running away.) 

"Yeah, I'm here." The taller of the two was equally surprised herself, she wasn't expecting to talk to Jiwoo again, more so, to have her in front of her— _she thought she's lost her forever._

Despite her gaze being hazy, Jiwoo kept her eyes trained on the girl in front of her. "Are you real?" She raised her hand, seemingly reaching for the older but stopped midway, eventually closing her hand into a fist before bringing it back down. "Who am I kidding? Of course.. of course, you're not real.. just... just an illusion created by my desperate self."

"Jiwoo," After building up all to courage, Jinsol grabbed the smaller girl's hand, hoping that it'll be enough to make the latter believe that it was indeed her, but Jiwoo's hand was like Jinsol's heart— _ice cold._

"God, Jiwoo—how long have you been here?" It was just now that she's realized how cold it has become, so she stood up, pulling the girl along with her. "Come on, let's go inside. It's getting cold in here, you're gonna get sick."

At first, Jiwoo let herself get dragged by the older but after a few steps, she stopped in her tracks, standing still, her gaze locked on their hands. "Why?" She asked, more like a whisper, spoken so soft yet sounded so broken.

It may only be a word that was asked but hundreds of unanswered questions lies behind that three-letter word; there's more to that question, they both knew that— _they pretend that they don't._

"Why do you care—no," pulling her hand away, Jiwoo lifted her gaze to look at the latter, her gaze sharp. "Why do you pretend that you care?" 

"Jiwoo, I do care. I care about you—"

(That was the last thing she's told Jiwoo before exiting her life.)

A scoff. Then a bitter laugh. 

"You've said the same thing before, Jinsol. You've always said the same thing.. but then you walked away." Her eyes became glossy not because of the alcohol, but because of the tears that were yet to fall. _"You left me."_


	3. With Love, They Were Saved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're never letting each other drown again.

_"Jinsol, what are we?"_ As soon as they've arrived at her place, with the older driving her home, Jiwoo asked the same question that Jungeun had asked them earlier.

"What?" The slightly taller girl flinched, surprised to hear the question that ~~they've~~ she's been trying to avoid.

"I couldn't give Jungeun an answer earlier because I don't really have any idea on what we are so I waited for you to answer, to say something, anything, but you didn't." The frustration was evidently visible in her eyes. _"Why didn't you say anything?"_

Jinsol opened her mouth to give the latter an answer but her brain doesn't have any answer to give. "Jiwoo, please, let's just drop this topic—" 

(Her heart has the answer to all those questions.)

(She didn't listen.)

"No, Jinsol," Jiwoo counters as she snaps her head to cast a sharp gaze at the other. "We _need_ to talk about this. " 

Jinsol looks away, eyes looking everywhere but Jiwoo— _the girl whom she loves to look at._

"Listen, I'm sorry if I'm letting my emotions get the best of me right now but I just—" From the corner of her eyes, Jinsol saw how the younger's fist clenched then unclenched, an effort to try and suppress her still building frustration. "Sol, I just need you to tell me what the fuck are we because I don't know—I'm so tired of guessing." 

(This was the first time she's heard Jiwoo—the rainbows and butterflies Jiwoo—curse.)

"I— I don't know." Jinsol looked up, briefly meeting Jiwoo's eyes before looking down. "I don't know, Jiwoo."

"You don't know? What the fuck does that mean?" Jiwoo frustratedly runs her fingers through her hair, a dry chuckle leaving her trembling lips. "It's been months, months of playing this.. this game that I don't even know the rules of! I don't know how your game works nor what character am I playing— I don't even know if I'm still in the game or if I've already lost!"

"Jiwoo I—" Finally keeping her eyes trained on the other girl, Jinsol sees the most painful sight she's ever seen—a broken Jiwoo. "This is not a game for me. What we have is not a game."

"Then what is it? What is it that we have?"

"That's not what's important. What matters more is that we're together—"

"Are we even _together_ , Jinsol? Is there even an _us_?" Jiwoo bites back the sob that's threatening to escape her lips when she didn't get any reply from the girl. "Did you even love me? Or genuinely liked me at least?"

_"I care about you, Jiwoo."_

(That was Jinsol's way of saying I love you.)

(Jiwoo didn't knew.)

_"Please, go, Jinsol. Leave. Just leave."_

And Jinsol did _leave_ , not knowing that Jiwoo was actually asking her to _stay_.

* * *

Every day, Jinsol thought she's become a zombie: a lifeless individual who's only left with nothing but a numb, empty body; today's different because instead of feeling nothing, every bit of herself aches.

Jiwoo looked so broken, so vulnerable, yet, the words that flowed bitterly from her lips were so sharp, scraping Jinsol's skin and then piercing her heart; it had clung onto her damaged soul like a tattoo, painfully mocking her, forever reminding her of her grave mistake.

There are thousands of words that the older wanted to tell the latter; words that she wanted her to hear, but those words suddenly disappeared, only leaving her with three: " ~~I love you~~ I'm so sorry."

"Is that all that you're gonna say?" With a scoff, she looked at the taller with hurt in her eyes. "Is that it, Jinsol?" 

"I—" Jinsol really wanted to say more, she's been waiting for this chance; Jiwoo's finally there, in front of her, but nothing's coming out, as if she's lost her voice.

Jiwoo looked at her the same way she did that day when she told Jinsol to leave: tired, hurt, broken.

"I should've never came." She whispered, silently screaming her pain.

When she saw that the girl was about to leave, Jinsol snapped out of her trance, her lips parting to say the only words that she could think of right now. "I care about you, Jiwoo."

Hearing those words caused a dry, bitter chuckle to escape from the girl's cold trembling lips. "You care about me?" Jiwoo asked with a scoff before taking large steps towards the older, her eyes filled with so many emotions but two stood out the most: pain and anger.

"You—" Now standing in front of her, Jiwoo points an accusing finger at Jinsol. " _You. Broke. My. Heart._ " She jabs her finger into her chest with each word to put emphasize.

(Jinsol felt like she was being stabbed.)

"I know.." She uttered while clenching her fist with her knuckles turning white, and shape of crescents forming on her palm as her fingernails dug into them.

(She was mad at herself too.)

"Why?" Jiwoo exhales shakily with a sniff, her vision becoming blurry with the tears forming in her eyes. _"Why did you do that?"_

And her tears began to fall.

With the painful sight in front of her, Jinsol couldn't help but let her arms reach for the girl, wrapping them around her small figure, repeatedly saying "I'm sorry."

She didn't know if the younger wanted to be held—especially by her—so she kept her arms lose for the latter to be able to remove herself easily from her hold, but Jiwoo just stayed there, in her arms.

"Why did you let me risk it all alone? Why did you let me fall so deep? Why did you let me drown with all those feelings by myself? Why didn't you save me?" Through her heartbreaking sobs, she asked, clenched fist weakly hitting the taller's chest with each and every question. 

_"I was scared. I was so scared, Jiwoo."_ Finally swallowing the lump in her throat, she admits, unconsciously tightening her hold on the younger, only to loosen it again when Jiwoo slightly pulls away.

"But I was there with you, Jinsol. I was right beside you." Jiwoo reminds her with a breathless whisper. "All you needed to do was tell me that you were scared and I would've held your hand." 

"That's what scared me the most," Jinsol bites her lips so hard that it started to bleed. _"That I was with you."_

_Jiwoo retracts herself from Jinsol._

"Oh, you were scared because it's me that was there with you." With a crestfallen face, Jiwoo lets her gaze fall to the ground. "Is that why you kept holding back? Am I not worthy to be held, Jinsol?"

"No, of course, you're worthy! You're so fucking worthy, Jiwoo."

(Jinsol's mind weren't blank anymore.)

"Anyone would be so damn lucky to have you. Even just having the chance to see you is already a blessing because you're Kim Jiwoo, one of a kind, the greatest thing to ever happen in this world!" Jinsol reached to grab and hold Jiwoo's hand. "You're the best thing I've ever had."

(All the words she's been wanting her to hear are finally coming back.)

Jiwoo slowly pulls her hand away from Jinsol's. "Yet you were so scared of me." 

"I'm not scared _of you_. I'm scared _for you_." Jinsol runs her fingers through her hair and licks her now dry and slightly chapped lips. "It's just that—I care about you so much, so fucking much that I was scared of ruining everything for you." 

"You left because you didn't wanna ruin me? Well, sorry to inform you but your logic failed. You didn't save shit, Jinsol, you just tore me apart!" The anger that had welled up in her chest flowed out from her lips like lava, so hot that it burns.

"I know that I told you to leave that day, but you're smart Jinsol! You should have known that I was asking you to do something, to stay!" Jiwoo cries out, words heavy with the weight of all her frustrations being placed upon it. "But the only thing that you knew was to walk away." 

"I wanted to stay, Jiwoo—"

"Then why didn't you?"

_"Because you're leaving."_ Jinsol weakly says, her eyes flickering to the ground.

"What—" Confusion painted Jiwoo's face. Lots of questions started filling her head but before she could even ask any of them, Jinsol had already opened her mouth to explain.

Jinsol lifted her gaze, her eyes meeting Jiwoo's. "I knew about you leaving the country for that offer that you got."

With her mouth agape along with her widened eyes, Jiwoo was obviously taken aback; only her family knew about that, she didn't even tell Jungeun and the others about it. "How did you know about that?"

"I didn't mean to but I happen to overheard you and your mother talking to that talent scout when I came to watch that recital you were so excited about," Jinsol admits with hesitation, her fingers nervously fiddling with the hem of her jacket. 

"Wait what?" Jiwoo felt her head spinning with the information that she was given, but there's still a lot of things that she wants to know. "But you were really sick that day. You were even advised by your doctor to stay at home and rest." She muttered, an unreadable expression present on her face.

"Yeah, but I want to watch you perform, and you were so excited about it. I can't just miss it like that." It almost came out as a whisper but the sincerity that enveloped her words made it loud enough for the younger to hear. 

Silence engulfed the two, their mouths shut, not leaving a single word, unlike their minds— _loud and messy._

Jinsol was still processing all the words that she's kept within; Jiwoo was still in the process of letting everything sink in.

"Why?" Jiwoo's voice filled the air after a whole minute of being nothing but silence. "Why didn't you approach me? Why didn't you let me know that you were there? Why did you just leave?" 

"Because I was afraid," Jinsol answers without missing a beat, her voice coming out breathless. "I was afraid to get in your way, to hurt you, to ruin things for you. The offer that you got was great! It'll be a huge step for you and your dreams. I was so happy for you, so proud. You were building your future so well, and I.. I didn't wanna ruin it. "

"Jinsol.." Jiwoo quietly calls, with her personality, she didn't really have any problems with expressing herself but now, she didn't really know how to react. 

"I didn't want you to get used to me being there, beside you. I know that it'll be hard for you to leave if I was in the picture.. so I just chose not to be a part of it. I didn't put a label to our relationship for the same reason. I figured that it'll hurt less for the both of us if there wasn't even an us, to begin with. That's why I was holding back, why I didn't want you nor myself to get too attached, for you to be able to go and reach your dreams without me holding you back."

Jiwoo had always seen Jinsol's love as a wave as it comes and goes, making you drown when too strong, but today she had realized one thing: it was actually pushing her to a different island, the one with more trees, the one that'll give her more opportunities.

(But Jiwoo wanted to _stay_ at the current one, she didn't wanna _leave_.) 

"No, Jinsol, you should have told me! You shouldn't have decided things on your own!" Jiwoo's voice was loud, almost shouting, but unlike her outbursts earlier, there wasn't any lacing venom in her voice. "It didn't hurt any less, it hurts more having those constant what if's running in my mind: What if you stayed? What if I didn't ask you to leave? What if you loved me—"

"Can I tell you a secret?" Jinsol suddenly asked, cutting the younger off.

"What?" At this moment, why would she suddenly tell a secret? Jiwoo thinks that Jinsol will never stop making her confused. 

_"I care about you."_

Jinsol's voice was soft, sweet, calming; It was the same voice that calms her mind whenever she tends to overthink, the one that lulls her to sleep, the one that makes the bitterness of the world sweet. 

Usually, she would feel at ease whenever she hears that voice, but now it only made her mind more of a mess.

"What? Jinsol, you always tell me that—"

"That's my way of saying I love you." Again, Jinsol had cut her off before she could even put her confusion into words.

"Wha— what are you talking about?" Jiwoo's brain refused to acknowledge the new information that she was given, but her previously dead heart, on the other hand, is full of hope and going wild.

"That night when you asked me if I did love you or genuinely liked you at least, I told you that I care about you," Jinsol says as she walks closer towards the latter, only stopping when she's only a couple of feet away from her. _"I love you, that's what I meant."_

Hearing those words, Jiwoo's heart momentarily stops beating, then it started losing control.

She tried to recall all the times Jinsol had told her those words; She remembered all the times that they've spent together—Jinsol _always_ tells her that, every day, without fail.

Jinsol had always cared about her— _she had always loved her._

("Jiwoo?" Jinsol calls her one time when the older came over to her house after Jiwoo had called her saying that she couldn't sleep. "I care about you." Was the last thing that Jiwoo heard before she fell asleep—she slept with a huge smile on her face that night.)

"You love me?" Jiwoo quietly asked. 

Jinsol's lips slightly tugged upwards when she saw the faint blush on the girl's cheek.

"Do you remember all those gifts that the others gave you back then?" She asked instead of answering the question of the latter. "The flowers from either Sooyoung or Haseul whenever you have a recital or any performance, the foods from Hyunjin and Vivi unnie whenever you forget to eat, the plushies from Yerim and Yeojin whenever you had a bad day, do you remember them?"

Jiwoo nods. 

The happiness that those gifts had given her is more than anyone could ever imagine so how could she possibly forget?

"It was all from me."

"But that was before the thing that we had even started." 

"You've always thought that you were the first and the only one who fell in love," Jinsol takes a step closer. "But I loved you first, and until now, I'm still in love with you." 

Jinsol couldn't save Jiwoo from drowning not because she was afraid, but because she was the _first_ one to drown.

She couldn't tell the younger all the words that her heart had formed with the water continuously filling her lungs whenever she tries to open her mouth.

But today Jinsol came to realize that all this time, she was drowning in a pond thinking it was the ocean; she got on her feet and looked for Jiwoo, and when she saw her, she grabbed her hand, helping her out— _she finally saved her._

"You know, I tried. I really did," Jinsol sucks in a deep breath as she takes in the captivating beauty of the latter; she looks more heavenly up close. "But no matter how hard I try, I just couldn't stop myself from falling in love with you."

After feeling nothing but the sharp ripples of pain from all the bruises, cuts, and wounds that filled not just her heart but as well as her soul from that moment when Jinsol left and closed the door, Jiwoo felt the same feeling that she had when Jinsol smiled at her for the first time— _love_.

All the things that Jinsol had said were all the things that Jiwoo had dreamt of hearing; to finally hear those words, that had blossomed in her heart as soon as it flowed from the latter's lips, still feels like a dream. 

And maybe this could be a dream and Jiwoo could wake up any second and continue living in her painful reality but if this really is a dream then the first thing that she'll do when she wakes up is to grab a pen, open her diary, and write every second of this dream so that it'll be marked in her memory.

"Can I tell you a secret?" Jiwoo softly asked.

"Of course."

Maybe it was the way the older looked at her with that fond gaze or maybe it's the way her lips is beautifully shaped with that sincere smile, but Jiwoo was just so sure that this time, she could tell Jinsol _anything_ , and the latter would keep it enclosed in her heart.

"I'm actually not drunk." 

It was honestly different from what Jinsol had expected; nevertheless, she still finds the girl endearing. "You're not?"

"Yes, you dummy." She giggled, unconsciously hitting the other girl's chest; Jinsol didn't really mind. "I wouldn't be able to talk to you and comprehend everything that you've said if I was. I just made you think that so that it'll be less embarrassing when I pour all my feelings out and you just end up breaking my heart again."

"I'd be the stupidest person in the world if I do that again." 

(There's no way Jinsol's doing that again.)

(She's done being dumb.)

"You're still stupid for breaking my heart the first time." If the Jiwoo ten minutes ago had told her this, it would've stab her in the chest, but it was told by the Jiwoo that she had just saved, so it didn't really hurt as much.

"Yeah, I know." Jinsol inwardly grimaces remembering what she did to the younger. "Jungeun and Hyejoo told me that while grabbing my collar, Heejin sent me a drawing of myself with the word stupid on top of it, Chaewon and Hyejoo, for the second time, asked me to play PUBG with them and told me that after killing me, and the others mostly calls me that on a daily basis, so I'm pretty aware of how stupid I—"

All the words had died down on Jinsol's throat when a pair of lips were placed upon her own, the lips that she missed, the lips owned by the girl whom she loves.

Surprised, Jinsol didn't move her lips at first, but when she was finally able to have a grasp on what's happening, her arms swiftly snaked around Jiwoo's waist, the latter placing hers loosely around her neck.

They didn't feel any fireworks exploding nor any butterflies going wild; they felt air replacing the water that had filled their lungs after drowning and losing themselves for too long, they could feel every bit of themselves after a month of feeling nothing—they felt alive, _again._

And with every movement of her lips, Jinsol has all her feelings poured out, Jiwoo doing the same; their lips moves to write letters, to form them into words, and to tell the phrase that they've built with every ounce of their soul: _I'm yours and you are mine._

It was cold and their lips were slightly chapped, but this, this kiss is certainly their favorite, because with this kiss, they know, that there'll be _more_ kisses that'll follow.

Their kiss lasted until Jiwoo pulls away.

She was left breathless, her gaze hazy, and her cheeks tainted with the hue of red, and with their arms still around each other, she looked at Jinsol. "Can I tell you another secret?"

Still too flustered to utter a reply, Jinsol could only nod her head as an answer.

And Jinsol saw the smile that she had gotten used to seeing on Jiwoo's face—her famous megawatt smile.

_"I care about you, a lot."_

Like a flower, a smile blossomed on Jinsol's lips, and since her lips would form nothing but a frown if it weren't for Jiwoo, Jinsol made sure to let her know her importance in the older's life; she carefully placed her hand on each side of Jiwoo's face before planting a soft lingering kiss on her forehead.

_"I love you, too, Jiwoo."_

They stayed like that for a while, just staring at each other, communicating with their eyes; in their eyes, the message was visibly clear: _I love you_

"Jinsol?" Jiwoo asked as she watched the older pour a hot drink for both of them.

Jiwoo had sneezed while they were outside due to the cold weather so Jinsol had quickly pulled her inside her house and wrapped the slightly smaller girl with layers of blanket before going to the kitchen to prepare some hot chocolate.

(Of course, Jiwoo, who looks like a walking burrito with all those blankets on her, followed her to the kitchen—she refused to let her out of her sight again.)

"Yeah?" Jinsol walked over to her, placed the two cups of hot beverage on the table, and sat across the girl.

"The offer that I got," Jiwoo says before taking a small sip from her cup. "I _didn't_ accept it."

"What? Why?" Jinsol was about to grab her cup but stopped midway.

"The conditions that they had were a little off. I and my mom thought that it'll be a little risky." She simply shrugged.

Seeing that the older was looking at her with her eyebrows creased, Jiwoo reached for her hand across the table, giving it a squeeze. "And I have another reason to stay," with a smile, she added, _"I have you."_

With her heart screaming, telling her to do something, Jinsol lifts Jiwoo's hand close to her lips, placing wet little kisses on the back of her hand, her knuckles, her palm, and her wrist, eliciting cute little giggles from the latter.

_"I care about you, Jiwoo, so damn much."_

And Jiwoo was really glad that she stayed, and that Jinsol came back.

_"I care about you, too, Jinsol, a lot."_

They are each other's lifeguard; they're _never_ letting each other drown again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this fic of mine! It would really be great if you could give some feedback in return to let me known what your thoughts or opinions regarding this fic created by my last two remaining braincells :)) 
> 
> Actually, this story was inspired by my tragic love life (yes, drowning jinsol's inspired by dumb me) that's why it was mostly told in jinsol's pov but unlike jinsol, I never got the girl back so I guess that's why I got carried away and got this fic a little angsty N E WAYS CHUUSOUL BEST GIRLS!
> 
> SEND ME CHUUSOUL PICS IF YOU AGREE


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